Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
