Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
