I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
