I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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