i need an iv and a liver transplant
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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