Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize