ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
