At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
