R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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