I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is my gift to your gina
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
