you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
