she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
