so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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