well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
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how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
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In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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