So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
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