she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
