i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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