You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
