i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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