I wish I could teleport
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize