ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
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we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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