Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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