no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
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and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
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The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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