just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
And the cops told us we were all naked.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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