you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
