That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
