Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it was like his penis was on wheels.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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