Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
false alarm, still single
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
