The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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