shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
