She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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