Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
