We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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