U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
