I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
