a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
