I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
