turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
