Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
