oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
