I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
