4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
