i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
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I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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