I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize