good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
