Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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