I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
