O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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