pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
