Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
