I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
did i just pee glitter
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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