What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
