So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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