i think my tv is drunk
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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