You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
