Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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