I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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