The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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